Conflict in a relationship can arise for a variety of reasons. You might have different beliefs about how things should be done; your feelings might get hurt; you might not feel supported. It might feel like you have been devalued, not feeling heard, feeling misunderstood. Retriggered trauma, for example, you may have trauma from someone who uses a certain tone of voice. And then if your partner uses a tone of voice that’s similar to that, that can retrigger you and bring you back to that pain.
When I work with my clients, one thing that is also really helpful is to identify if your nervous system is triggered. You can use mindfulness to turn to the body and notice, “I feeling a significant strain in my abdomen.” This is a really good indication that your nervous system did get triggered and you feel threatened. Or you might feel a strain in your chest. Or your breathing might change a little bit. Check in with your thinking because your thoughts usually shift when you are in this triggered situation. Check I with your emotions. Your nervous system can trigger you into anger or into fear.
Half the battle is knowing what’s happening. But when you can name the sensation in your body, the thought you are thinking in your mind or the emotion you are feeling, you feel more grounded and empowered. “I feel unheard. That’s what this is about.” Naming your experience helps you process it better and communicate it to the people around you.
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