It’s A No

I learned something. Wanna hear it? I learned that if it ain’t a Hell Yes, then it’s a No. For years, I quoted Randy Jackson from American Idol. When he looked across the stage at something that he wasn’t feeling, he simply said, “It’s a no for me, dog.” I’m embodying that “no” more and more every day. And I have to tell you, I like what I have going on over here.

I’m voting for me. And the reason why I’m so delighted with this part of my journey is because a vote for me doesn’t have to be boisterous or malicious. It doesn’t have to be huge and in your face. It simply is what it is. It’s for me, not you. I don’t have to explain. I don’t have to seek your agreement. I simply have to go after what brings me peace. I always want to smile back at the woman in the mirror. I want to honor her and cherish her. I want her integrity intact at all times. I want to sleep good at night. I want to have clean hands, a pure heart, and a clear head.

What I found is that there is no crowd when you are journeying forward in this kind of work. It’s not popular, it doesn’t get a lot of likes, follows and shares, but that’s okay. This authentic life that’s tapped-in, targeted, and focused is not for the faint of heart. Yet this life is what I’ve always dreamed about. It’s the autonomy, the surety, the sanctity. There’s something holy and sacred about being true to the real you.

Given this new-found disposition of mine, I decided that I’m going to dress a certain way. And I’m not talking about fashion. I’m talking about my mental and spiritual clothing. I have come to know that in this world. There are different hats that I must wear. I’m a wife, I’m a minister, I’m a coach. I’m an author, I’m a spiritual mom. I’m a sister, I’m a daughter. I’m an aunt, I’m a fur mom. I’m a community member. I’m Black and I’m a Woman. When I enter any room, virtually or in person, I will serve in different capacities. Depending on the time, the event, the season, and the audience, I may interchange any of those hats at any time, according to what’s needed at the time. I’m okay with those adornments. Because I have learned that they are not for me 24/7/365.

I’m literally learning every day to manage, when to put them on and when to take them off. What I am freshly committed to is that I will never wear a mask. I will wear a smile. I will speak a kind word. I will even push past my own pain to serve when needed. But I and God alone decide when I am needed. I no longer show up for everything where I’m called upon. I am no longer a playground or a dumping ground. I decide. I choose the hat. I have burned the masks.

I will not pretend that I am okay if I am not I will not head down the path to burnout. I will not wear guilt nor shame. I will not wear my old reputation. I will not wear society’s labels. I will not wear my family’s labels. I will not wear the labels of racism sexism or intimidation. I will show up fully and wonderfully me. I will show up 100% genuine me, I will arrive authentically and unapologetically. And if that makes people uncomfortable, then all I can offer is prayers for their growth. Because if it’s not a Hell Yes, then it’s a hard No.