Let me ask you a question. I want you to keep it real with me, and most importantly, keep it real with yourself. Have you been taking the long way around? We learned in school that the shortest distance between two points is a straight line. They made us buy graph paper, then, at some point, they lost their minds, and they made us by graphing calculators. They taught us formulas, and if you’re like me, you filed that away in the “I’m never going to use this junk” box. But I want you to take that theory and examine your life right now.
Think about your career. Think about your social life, your home life, and your personal relationships. How are you communicating your needs? Do you keep stuff bottled up inside until you explode? Do you take the long way around instead of being brave and cutting straight to the point?
I don’t want to put words in your mouth. But I am willing to bet actual money that you have talked yourself into a mess. I would wager that you aren’t telling yourself the right story. Or rather, I should say you’re not telling yourself the full story. Again, if you are like me and if you’re reading this, I think you are… At some point in your life, you got comfortable telling yourself half-truths. You dealt with guilt and shame. You wore labels, and you began to hide parts of yourself.
You took the long way around; you beat around the bush. You talked yourself out of greatness and talked yourself into a mess. If you are, by chance, wondering what even inspired me to write this, for the last four to six months, I have been having conversations with those closest to me about what self-care really is. It goes beyond that Popeye’s chicken sandwich that I love or that pedicure appointment that I keep on the books. Real self-care for me this season has been speaking up about what I need.
I’m being brave and saying what makes me uncomfortable and the ways that I need to be supported. I had to realize that I was overthinking and creating a whirlwind of anxiety in my mind about having real conversations with people in my inner circle. But once I was brave and said something out loud, everything changed. It didn’t change the situation right away; it changed in me. Without yelling or raising my voice, without cursing or calling names, just speaking out loud brought about the change. I had to verbalize what I was seeking and what I was longing for. I had to say exactly what it was that I needed. Immediately, peace was restored. In me.
I had to disabuse myself of the idea that I should be silent to make other people comfortable. READ THAT AGAIN and put your name in the space. There are sacrifices you must make in this life. Your peace is not one of them. Your voice is not one of them. Do not be silent in order to make others comfortable.
Feel me when I say this: I’m your sister; you are not alone in this. So if this is you, if you can relate to anything you just read, do two things for me now:
1. Take a deep breath.
2. Exhale.
You’re here, I’m here, and we’re okay. We’re learning and growing. I’m not going to beat you up about flawed mindsets. But I am going to encourage you to stop it and stop it now. Now is the time to be your most authentic self. You are a beautiful butterfly growing into your becoming. You are on your purpose discovery journey. You are learning what you like and what you don’t like. You are learning what brings you peace and what gives you joy.
You must pay attention to the things that rob you of your energy and break your peace. Pay attention to the things that ruffle your feathers and unsettle you. There are people, places, and things that impact you in a certain way; they come with a certain energy. They come with a certain bent, and they make you feel a certain way. Negatively.
I want you to know that you get to choose the space that you grace. That was so cute, wasn’t it? I promise, I did not pre-plan that last line. Everyone doesn’t deserve your presence. I don’t care if they are your blood relatives. I don’t care if they have known you for 30 years. I don’t care if they appointed you to something or voted for you to do something. I don’t care if they sign your check or send your direct deposit. You control you.
You are fully in control of how you think and act. Your mindset and the corresponding behaviors are your choice, no one else’s. And as your sister and your favorite coach, I need you to take your power back. Don’t let anyone rob you of your choice. Feel your feelings and understand the origin of those feelings. Then put on your big girl panties and decide what those feelings mean and if that is the energy that you want to entertain.
I coach my clients this way- there is a survey, and it will tell you what you should be doing and who you should be doing it with. It’s very simple, and it’s only two questions. Ask yourself these two things:
1. Does this line up with who I say I am?
2. Does this line up with where I say I’m going?
If the answer is no to one or both of these questions, then it is not worth your time nor attention. Your energy would be much better spent in a place where see you are safe, loved, and supported. Better yet, in a place where you are cheered on. Go where you are celebrated, not merely tolerated.
You don’t owe a loss of peace to anyone. You don’t owe anyone the obligation to wear a mask of guilt, shame, or false joy. You deserve to live a full life, a life of purpose, where you experience joy every day. You deserve to sleep well at night. You deserve to smile at the beauty that you see in the mirror. So cut straight to it, Friend. Vote for you, and go be great. God wants that for you, and so do I.
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