Life can be tough. The world is unfair. Ups and downs are simply a part of breathing. Yet scripture commands us to not complain. In fact, scripture goes one step further and tells us to give thanks in all circumstances. Feeling cheerful, yet?
Culture might approve of rant sessions and pity parties, but scripture does not. Here are four practical steps you can take when complaints begin to edge in and you feel like throwing on the sweats, binging your favorite show, munching on your favorite snacks, and texting all your woes to your besties.
One: compare yourself to others.
Ok, hold up. Isn’t “comparison the thief of joy” and all that jazz? Well, it depends on who you are comparing to. For example, I live in 800 square feet with my husband and five daughters. Not to mention two dogs, two cats, and 10 chickens. We have one bathroom. If I compare to most of my friends and neighbors, let alone the abyss of Instagram personalities, there is no hope for me when it comes to giving thanks rather than complaining.
However, if I compare myself to families living in war torn countries, or run down apartments, or even huts with dirt floors, then I start realizing all that I do have. I pay attention to my benefits and not what I am lacking. I see myself as rich and blessed rather than poor and unfortunate. This type of comparison can work in many different circumstances. It does not negate the reality of your hardship, but rather gives you a different lens to view it through.
Psalm 4:7 helped me with this: “You have put more joy in my heart than they have when their grain and wine abound.”
Two: zoom in
What we look at matters. What we focus on affects us. When we are hyper focused on the downsides in our lives, they tend to multiply or loom up before us, larger than life, until they are all that we can see. Whenever I begin to feel this way, I zoom in on something different. Using my absurdly small home (by average American standards: see step one) I can focus on the books that are stacked on the floor, the clothes that absolutely do not fit in the one small closet my five daughters share. My eye might start twitching when I stare at the cracked and stapled down linoleum of my kitchen floor. You see, I am spiraling already. Hold up, and zoom in and what is that I see? Golden hour light spilling across the worn hardwood floors. Oh, look at that, it’s worn because that is where the feet of little girls run each day. A gauze curtain flutters in a breeze, bringing with it the smell of the Eucalyptus outside. Out of the corner of my eye I spy the hilltop outside my bedroom window. Who else on my street has this exact view? Zoom in. You might be surprised by what you see.
Psalm 9:1 reminds me that I should be thankful for ALL God’s kindnesses to me whether they be small or little: “I will give thanks to the Lord with my whole heart; I will recount all of your wonderful deeds.”
Three: Do it for Future You
Have you ever thought back to a trial and winced a bit when you think about how you handled it? Ever felt regret for not trusting God? Ever been embarrassed when you remembered how much you complained verbally to others, and then it all worked out anyway? Ya, me neither. Sometimes, when I begin to detect a case of down and out, I remember past burdens that I thought would break me and I let myself sit, for just a moment, in the shame of my poor response to my trials. I think about the heroes of the faith or even the heroines of my favorite literature. They always seem to persevere with great dignity! I want to be like them when I grow up. But alas, here I am 40 and still wincing at my past. So, do it for future you. Skip the complaining and start the praising. Think about yourself one, five, or ten years from now as you look back on this season of your life. Do you want to be thinking, “I wish I had done that better?” Or do you want to feel a sense of growth, accomplishment, and a budding of fruit in your life? Trust me, future-you will thank you.
When I think of complaining as a disease, it helps me to strive for future fruit: “So, every healthy tree bears good fruit, but the diseased tree bears bad fruit,” Matthew 7:17 (ESV).
Four: Read
Audiobook, physical book, Instagram post, magazine article, blog post. Anything. Read. Read about real people. Read about fictional people enduring real hardships. Last year I read Mother Carey’s Chickens (yes, that is a real title. No it isn’t about chickens). It helped me immensely with my complaining spirit when it came to my house. It shifted my perspective and reminded me of so many valuable truths. I also listened to Evidence Not Seen on audio. I think if I listened to that book on perpetual repeat, I might never be tempted to complain again. We also listened to a Fanny Crosby biography with our children and there is something about a blind eight-year-old penning the lines, “How many blessings I enjoy that other people don’t/to weep and sigh because I’m blind, I cannot and I won’t” that makes you think twice before you canvas your complaints. Reading can give you a grateful heart.
Hebrews 13:7 reflects on this when it encourages us to, “Remember your leaders, those who spoke to you the word of God. Consider the outcome of their way of life, and imitate their faith.”
The bottom line is this: We aren’t supposed to complain; we are supposed to be thankful. Yet the world is fallen and we are sinful creatures in it. So take these tips with you as you head into the fray and pull them out as needed. I hope they’ll help stay the complaints on your lips and instead put gratitude in your heart. I’m right there with you.
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