Don’t Take Your Eyes Off Him

I was sitting at the table of a group I joined several years ago. I glanced around the table scrutinizing each of the members when I realized I really don’t belong.

Analyzed My Situation

To my right sat Ego and Pride. Each of them, on their own, is hard to encounter. However, together they are like having a weakened immune system caused by a curable disease and knowing they hold the cure and no way in hell are they giving it to you. Laughing and pointing they lean in close to one another whispering and snickering causing Shame to squirm in her seat. Her cheeks glowed red like a lit-up string of Christmas lights.

On the other side of Shame sat Disrespect and Dishonesty, the wonder twins, who keep their hands under the table causing the hair on the back of my neck to stand on end – I mean, what are they up to now? Continuing around the table sat Deceit and then to my direct left sat Fear. Both sat with a mischievous grin on their faces as they contemplated the next strike against Innocence and Unaware, two members who joined the group just last week.

When I first joined this group, I believed I would be a part of something bigger than myself and that Integrity and Honesty would be our leaders. Little did I know how wrong I was.

Tried to Bring Balance

I have tried these past few years to invite others to our group to help bring balance. I sought out Honesty and Integrity, but they would not take my call. I invited Grace, but she told me she was not enough. I then invited Peace, but she never showed up. I saw Trust at City Market and told him I would love for him to come. He stated without Honesty, Integrity, and Grace He just couldn’t see Himself being welcome.

Long and hard, I thought about what Trust said. I made a mock table out of rips of paper and played with the seating arrangement to see if I would feel more welcome with this motley crew. What if I changed places with Shame? I would then be sitting directly between Pride and Disrespect and the mere thought of that made me squirm in my seat. I thought about changing seats with each member and not once could I see myself fitting in.

Why do we Put Ourselves Through This?

I pondered why I stayed. I reflected on past events and realized that in the past few years, I have been accused of undermining leadership – Ego laughed out loud, dividing the group – Dishonesty rubbed her hands together and smiled at my reflection, deliberate sabotage-Deceit did a dance of celebration, that I was jealous of another-Pride stood and took a bow, and that I am too emotional and unapproachable – Fear snickered so violently He snorted and the group burst into self-righteous congratulatory banter-they were satisfied with a job well done.

I finally got the Courage

I pushed my chair back from the table and slowly stood. It had taken me many years to meet with Courage and do what I should have done long ago. The room quieted. Deceit stood to counter me and accused me one last time, pointing her finger at my chest, she sneered, “All she ever does is lie and manipulate.” Anticipation filled the room. Everyone waited to see how I would respond.

I pulled out a letter of resignation and placed it in the center of the table. Ego and Pride fought over who would read it first. As I stood there, with Vulnerability by my side, they passed the letter around the table. Once everyone read it, the room exploded with laughter.

I was saddened that not one of them fought for me. Not one of them could see my potential and at least wanted me to stay. But then why would I even desire this from them? Maybe they could see my potential and that’s why they worked so hard to push me out.

I opened the door to take my leave. Mockery and Shame rushed to my side to escort me from the room. They quickly cowered and retreated when they encountered Love, Wisdom, and Courage who were towering right outside the door.

Safe in their embrace, I was quickly reminded that they had never left my side. It was only I who took my eyes off them.

As we walked away, I could hear the slam of the door and knew the new chapter in my life had just begun.

I looked up into Wisdom’s face and asked, “Where to next, Lord?”