Did Baal, The Fertility God, Need an Urgent Bathroom Break?

Elijah and the prophets of Baal – An Amusing Biblical Story

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The story of the contest between Elijah and the prophets of Baal, found in 1 Kings 18:17-40,  is one the most amusing stories in the Bible.  To give you some background, King Ahab, of the northern kingdom of Israel, married a heathen woman named Jezebel, who henpecked and corrupted him to allow the worship of Baal and Asherah, a pagan fertility god and goddess. This did not sit well with God, who appointed Elijah, a prophet, to confront Ahab. God sent numerous troubles on Israel due to their unfaithfulness, but Ahab blamed Elijah. Elijah became such a thorn in Ahab’s side that the king (or more likely, Jezebel) sought to kill him.

Elijah challenges the prophets of Baal to a contest

Finally, Elijah called for a showdown between himself and the four hundred and fifty prophets of Baal and the four hundred prophets of Asherah on Mount Carmel to prove who was the true God. Boy, talk about being outnumbered! He then told the king to assemble the people of Israel so they might witness the contest and turn back to God.

Both sides sacrificed a bull as a burnt offering to their god. They laid the bull on wood and called on their god to answer with fire. The prophets were to call upon their god for the fire while Elijah was to call on the name of the LORD. The prophets of Baal went first and called Baal from morning to noon, dancing around the altar, but nothing happened. Then Elijah began to taunt them.

I can identify with Elijah because I have the gift of sarcasm which I prefer to regard as droll wit. And everyone knows that one can get away with saying pretty much anything in the South if you end your smarmy remark with, “Bless your heart.” The Bible doesn’t record that Elijah said, “Bless your heart,” but he did say some pretty hilarious things to his enemies.

Imagine the prophets of Baal as they become more frantic in trying to get his attention. Elijah heckles them with, “Shout louder! Surely he is a god! Perhaps he is deep in thought, or busy, or traveling. Maybe he is sleeping and must be awakened.” (1 Kings 18:27, NIV).

Is Baal in the Bathroom?

“Busy” means relieving himself. Can you just envision a god who cannot answer because he’s in the bathroom? I just have to say that hiding in the bathroom has never worked for me. Whenever I’ve tried to have a minute to myself in the one place in the house which should be a private sanctuary, people still find me. They just yell through the door. In response to Elijah’s mocking, the prophets shouted louder and even resorted to slashing themselves with swords and spears until the blood flowed. Yikes! I’m glad I don’t have to go to this extreme to get God’s attention.

A Battle to The Death

You probably know the rest of the story. Elijah prepares his offering, then, to make the contest seemingly more difficult, he drenches the offering and the wood with water. After praying to God, the fire of the LORD came down and burned up the offering, the wood, and the stones of the altar, and licked up the water in the trench around the altar. Then Elijah commanded the people to seize the prophets of Baal and kill them.

Although the Bible doesn’t record Elijah’s gloating over his (or rather, God’s) victory, I can only imagine a bit of smugness on his part. It would be hard to refrain from rubbing salt into the wound by saying, “See, I told you so.” Of course, killing all the false prophets probably took up too much time and energy for him to stand around for long gloating. Not me. When I’m proven right about something, I can gloat for years, and that’s a lot more punishing than a quick death.