Imagine Jesus as the senior pastor of a megachurch, grappling with numerous complaints about his leadership style and decisions. This could offer a thought-provoking parable on modern church leadership.
I had a terrifying dream last night. In my dream, Jesus has just finished the Last Supper and is about to go to the Garden of Gethsemane with his eleven disciples. At that moment, Mary Magdalene grabs him by the cloak. “Rabbi, I need to speak with you now. Things are not going well within our faith community. You must finally read the letters that have been sent in.” “Not now, Mary. I have entirely different things on my mind tonight.” But Mary doesn’t listen and pulls him into a small office by his cloak. In the office, there’s a desk covered with dozens of letters. Jesus sits down in one of the chairs with a sigh. “Does this really have to happen now, Mary?” “Yes, master, this can’t wait any longer. It’s getting out of hand.” She opens the first letter.
The men’s group is angry because you weren’t present during their ‘Discover Your Inner Zealot’ men’s weekend
“The children workers of our faith community are frustrated because you don’t stick to the schedule. When they’re still busy finding crafts for the Good Shepherd, you’ve already moved on to another theme! Oh, and your action in the temple recently didn’t go over well either. Ever since, every child brings their own whip to Sunday school. All the first aid kits are empty, and when they say something about it, the children yell, ‘But the master does it too.’ They’re just volunteers, Rabbi.”
The middle management of your leadership feels left out
Jesus nods wearily. But Mary continues relentlessly: “The men’s group is angry because you weren’t present during their ‘Discover Your Inner Zealot’ men’s weekend.” Jesus shakes his head and sighs, “Ah, trudging through the Jordan with a Torah scroll over your head isn’t really my thing. And besides, their program said they were going to attack each other with wooden swords…” But Mary already has the next letter.
“The poor in our movement complain that you pay too little attention to them. Jesus jumps up: “That’s absurd! I pay too little attention to the poor? How do they figure?” “When you got into the boat on the Sea of Galilee last time, you didn’t think about them. Only the middle class and the wealthy in our faith community could follow you in their own boats. The poor had to leave you behind or walk miles around.”
Only the middle class and the wealthy in our faith community could follow you in their own boats
“That was exactly my intention,” Jesus mutters softly. Mary looks at him frowning: “I’m going to pretend I didn’t hear that. And speaking of Galilee, dozens of letters have come in about the sudden relocation of your ministry. Many people feel this change from Galilee to Jerusalem was too big and too sudden. They couldn’t handle it. People complain that you don’t consider the sense of community. People want to move forward together as one group. They’d rather take a few more years to move to Jerusalem together than leave people disappointed in Galilee. It’s not about the goal; it’s about the community, Rabbi.” Jesus shakes his head: “A few more years…”
The feminists among us are annoyed that you still haven’t appointed a female apostle
Mary continues unabated: “People are struggling with your words. On the one hand, you offer them a nice, warm family feeling by saying they are your brothers and sisters. At the same time, you say impossible things about eating your flesh and drinking your blood. Do you know how many people we’ve lost because of that move? People who have left us disappointed? This way, we’ll never get a stable base of followers. The treasurer wasn’t happy about it either, I can tell you that.”
Mary is now in full flow: “The feminists among us are annoyed that you still haven’t appointed a female apostle. What an opportunity that would have been for the emancipation of women in your movement.” Jesus nods wearily. “And in the religious section of the Jerusalem Daily, there was an article saying you don’t create enough good followers. We can’t use this kind of bad press.” Jesus shrugs.
Calling the Eternal ‘Daddy’ shows a lack of reverence
“The Christmas Eve committee is furious about your boycott of their plans. They had already reserved the Roman amphitheater in Bethlehem. There was going to be a life-sized stable with real animals. They’d even managed to snag the famous mayor of Bethlehem to play one of the shepherds. Do you know how many thousands of non-churchgoers they could have reached with a guest appearance from you?” Jesus sighs deeply: “They don’t understand a thing!”
She holds up letter after letter. “The elderly complain that you speak too familiarly about the Most High, as if you have a special relationship with Him. Calling the Eternal ‘Daddy’ shows a lack of reverence.” Jesus listens resignedly. “The scribes think you don’t encourage enough scriptural research and that you really need to stop making fun of them.” A smile appears on his face for a moment, but it’s short-lived. “You spend a disproportionate amount of attention and time on your twelve disciples. The middle management of your leadership feels left out. And of course, you do too many illegal things on the Sabbath. But we’ve known that for a long time…”
The worship leader wasn’t given enough time to lead you and the disciples into worship
Mary goes on and on. Eventually, she holds up a fancy envelope. “What’s that?” Jesus asks. “This is a letter from a wealthy young manager who was not only willing to follow you but could have even taken over some leadership tasks from you. Graduated cum laude from the Roman Academy of Public Administration. In this letter, he writes that he was willing to give even twenty percent of his considerable income to you, but obviously not everything. That wouldn’t have been a good investment. Rabbi, how can you ask for all that money for yourself?” Jesus looks at her sadly. “Not for myself, Mary, for the poor…”
I never chose to be a church leader!
Broken, Jesus sits in his chair. “Is that everything?” Mary nods resignedly. “And that?” Jesus points to a dirty napkin lying next to the pile. Mary picks it up. “Oh, that just came in. It’s a complaint from the worship leader. He’s frustrated because during the very first Last Supper, he wasn’t given enough time to lead you and the disciples into worship.”
In despair, Jesus throws his hands in the air and exclaims, “I never chose to be a church leader!”
I wake up sweating profusely.
Have you read some my other articles:
- Three Reasons Why Bible-Believing Christians Don’t Really Exist
- Secularisation: Are Evangelicals Losing Their Young People?
Matt Vlaardingerbroek, a former seasoned church planter and pastor in Holland’s inner cities, brings Bible stories to life through ventriloquism and magic. He’s authored three books, and founded www.creativekidswork.com, providing over 1,500 innovative Sunday school activities worldwide.
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