I’m Trying to Follow Jesus, but I Can’t Keep Up with His Pace

Picture of the legs of a runner running on the beach in the footsteps of others before him — Image courtesy of Canva

What does an ice bath in your backyard have to do with following Jesus? At first glance, very little, but when you’re hesitating in your swimsuit in the winter, about to step into the ice-cold water of 41 degrees Fahrenheit, it suddenly means a great deal. Am I just procrastinating? As I stare at that cold bath of water, I think of the Biblical characters Demas and Timothy and their desire to follow Jesus.

Timothy and Demas were both dedicated coworkers of the Apostle Paul and followers of Christ. In his letter to Philemon and the letter to the Colossians, Paul describes Demas as a friend and fellow worker. Someone Paul could rely on and with whom he ran the good race.

We know Timothy as ‘the best boy in the class.’ Nothing to criticize. In Paul’s eyes, because that’s the only way we know Timothy, Timothy can do no wrong. He continues to make the right choices, unlike Demas.

Demas is also called Paul’s Judas, for in Paul’s second letter to Timothy, he writes that Demas has forsaken him because he has grown to love this present world and has departed for Thessalonica.

A love for Him that is greater than my love for the world. But I can’t generate that love for God within myself.

“He has forsaken me, having loved this present world.” Nine small words, but they conceal an entire story. Did Demas fall in love with a woman in Thessalonica? Did he get a good job offer there? Maybe he was already married and his wife had a child? Did he really go astray and started visiting various ‘wrong’ women? Was he tired of all the hardships and just wanted a bit of comfort or peace? Maybe his father had died, and he needed to take care of the inheritance? It’s a good thing there were no gossip channels back then. We will never know.

A question that lingers for me is, what does Paul mean by ‘love for the world’? By what standard did Paul’s coworkers have to abide not to get this label? Suppose Paul could address all the readers of this column and say, “You are like Timothy. You are like Demas.” Timothy or Demas, who are you? What about your love for the world?

I am nothing more than a dull mirror. Only when His love polishes my inner mirror can I reflect that love.

For myself, I know this much. In the eyes of Paul, but more importantly, in the eyes of Jesus, I would love to be a Timothy. But in reality, I am not so sure. Following Jesus daily is harder than stepping into that ice bath in my garden every morning. Following Jesus requires willpower. Yes, that’s right! The willpower to make the right choices every day. But willpower alone won’t get you there. It also requires an inner motivation. It requires love.

A love for Him that is greater than my love for the world. But I can’t generate that love for God within myself. I need to be touched by God’s love. I don’t know how it works for you, but I know for myself that I can only generate love for God after I’ve been touched by God’s love. In that regard, I am nothing more than a dull mirror. Only when His love polishes my inner mirror can I reflect that love.

Living like Timothy and being ‘blameless’ in my following of Jesus requires the willpower to try to make the right choices every day. It requires love for God as an inner motivation, but only after I have been touched by God’s love myself. And then I’m still not there…

If you stick to the agreed rules, you are a Timothy. If you break our rules, you are a Demas. So clear, so easy, so wrong…

In addition to willpower and love, I also need a sense of playfulness to resist the temptation to cast this pursuit in a straitjacket of rules and laws. That is the great temptation. To define following Jesus in letters, words, and sentences. To lock myself up in a straitjacket of laws and rules, where it suffocates. Following requires playfulness, like David the shepherd boy who refused King Saul’s armor and playfully approached the giant with a sling and some smooth stones.

Playfulness also means freedom. Sometimes, following Jesus means doing things one way, and at other times, it means doing something completely different. It’s often hard to understand. Of course, uniformity is more comfortable and feels safer if all Christians would follow the same agreed and unspoken rules, laws, and traditions. Then we would know right away whether someone is a Timothy or a Demas. If you stick to the agreed rules, you’re a Timothy. If you break our rules, you’re a Demas. So clear, so easy, so wrong…

We think we can judge what’s going on in someone else’s heart and life, so we’re quick to point the finger: Timothy! Demas!

We think we know this about others, but to be honest, I don’t even know this about myself. Is my love for Christ greater than my love for the world or not? And what do those words mean to me: ‘Love for the world?’ Where is the benchmark? I just don’t know.

I often want to, but Demas’s path also attracts me. Somewhere within me, I try to follow Jesus, but I can’t keep up with His pace.

What I do know is this: Stepping into an ice bath every day requires willpower. But following Jesus in my life demands so much more.

What if I have the willpower, but lack God’s love to reflect it? What if I lack the playfulness to shape this in a powerful way?

Where in heaven’s name do you get the willpower, when you’d much rather dive back into your warm bed, to follow Jesus into that ice-cold world?

I don’t always know.
I often want to, but Demas’s path also attracts me.
Somewhere within me, I try to follow Jesus, but I can’t keep up with His pace.

I hope you fare much better.

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Matt Vlaardingerbroek, a former seasoned church planter and pastor in Holland’s inner cities, brings Bible stories to life through ventriloquism and magic. He’s authored three books, and founded www.creativekidswork.com, providing over 1,500 innovative Sunday school activities worldwide.