As a parent coach, I often get asked how to teach kindness to our kids. So with World Kindness Day right around the corner, November 13, I thought I would share 3 simple (and playful ways) to teach kindness.
Why Teach Kindness?
Siblings fight, kids knock down a friend’s block tower, sisters rip up art projects, and mean words are thrown around. But, they will grow out of it, right? It’s just a phase?
Sometimes, yes. There are aspects of unkindness that kids can just grow out of, but some of it, they will grow into without our help.
Kindness seems trendy and endangered all at the same time right now. Let’s help our kids bring it back. Some kindness is natural for certain kids and some have to work hard. But, there is also kindness that only comes from the work of the Holy Spirit.
But the Holy Spirit produces this kind of fruit in our lives: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. There is no law against these things!
While the fruit of the Spirit isn’t something we as parents can grow in our children, we can create an environment for it to flourish. Teaching kindness through the following three ways, helps your home and children be a place where the Spirit’s fruit can take hold and produce.
Teach Kindness with Modeling Kindness
Don’t you see how wonderfully kind, tolerant, and patient God is with you? Does this mean nothing to you? Can’t you see that his kindness is intended to turn you from your sin? Romans 2:4 NLT
Our children learn to be what they see, especially from their parents. Modeling kindness and empathy is the best way for children to learn to be kind and have empathy.
Not only has research shown that experiencing kindness and empathy sets children up to show kindness and empathy to others, but it also models to your children how God treats them as well.
Even when we do not deserve it, God shows us kindness. When our kids understand this about God, it helps to draw their hearts to him. Their hearts then become more fertile soil for the Holy Spirit.
Teach Kindness by Talking about Kindness
The Lord is righteous in everything he does; he is filled with kindness. Psalm 145:17 NLT
In my home, we saw a big transition when we stopped talking about being “nice” and started regularly using the word “kind.” That one simple, intentional change in our vocabulary created a palpable change in the environment of our family.
There is a difference between being kind and being nice. Nice doesn’t require a heart change, but kindness is more than just actions. The Bible repeatedly points to kindness.
See what happens in your home, when you begin replacing the word “nice” with “kind.”
Teach Kindness by Celebrating Kindness
I don’t say this because I want a gift from you. Rather, I want you to receive a reward for your kindness. Philippians 4:17 NLT
Finally, we teach kindness when we celebrate kindness instead of punishing unkindness. My friends at Connected Families use the phrase “Focus is fertilizer.” This means it is the things we give our attention and energy to that we get more of from our kids.
When we give our energy and our attention to when our kids are kind, we will encourage kindness and get more of it. But, if our energy and attention goes those times when our kids are unkind, we will get more unkindness.
This is a biblical concept as well. Philippians 4:8 NLT says to focus on the good. “And now, dear brothers and sisters, one final thing. Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise.”
Your children will become more kind as you celebrate their kindness. It doesn’t have to be fancy or elaborate. A high-five, dance party, or “woohoo!” is enough. As kindness becomes more of your child’s identity, it will become more natural and easy for them to be kind.
Is It Worth It to Teach Kindness?
In his kindness God called you to share in his eternal glory by means of Christ Jesus. So after you have suffered a little while, he will restore, support, and strengthen you, and he will place you on a firm foundation. 1 Peter 5:10 NLT
Teaching kindness, or any type of heart change, is not easy or quick. These three ways are simple, but that doesn’t mean it will happen overnight. Be patient, keep modeling, and celebrate the small wins.
Lean into the Lord and the Holy Spirit will strengthen and guide you. Praying for you as you do the hard and holy work of parenting with Jesus.
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