Words Kill – Words Give Life

The tongue has the power of life and death,

And those who love it will eat its fruit.

One of the most important tools we can learn in this life is to grow into a good listener. What, you may ask, does listening have to do with speaking words that bring life rather than kill another’s spirit? A great deal.

Consider the most recent conversation you had with someone when you felt understand and respected. I can almost guarantee that the individual with whom you were conversing has learned the fine art of listening well.

Let’s make the assumption that each of us comes to every conversation with our own set of presuppositions and perspectives because we all do. It doesn’t matter how old we are, what sex we are, where we grew up or how affluent, educated, or experienced we are. Each of us comes to the table with an entire microcosm of attitudes; history; and personal bents toward, well, everything.

Knowing that I must speak to you in way that you can fully comprehend and understand is vital. So how must I enter into a conversation with you so that I’m confident you truly understand what I’m trying to convey? I must first take the time to listen carefully and attentively to you. Sounds so simple but frequently we fail this test because we are over-eager to share what’s on our hearts and minds.

Knowing that every word I speak can either build you up or tear you down should make me cautious in how I talk. I want my words to bring life to others. And the opposite is just as true. I never desire for my words to kill someone’s spirit…or their confidence, or their innate God-ordained value as a fellow human being.

The rub is when I’m talking with someone that I disagree with on some important issue. It’s especially important in these tenuous situations that I communicate well and listen even better. I may not agree with you. But I can learn to hear what you’re saying as well as what you’re not saying. We all have reasons for how we believe as we do. The question is this – do I love you enough to work hard enough in communicating with you even when we are on polar opposites of an important topic?

This verse from the book of Proverbs, The tongue has the power of life and death,

and those who love it will eat its fruit. (Proverbs 18:21), is absolutely key for us to grow into effective and competent listeners (and communicators). Today, especially now, in this highly volatile world in which we live where tensions, strife, and voices continue to blare louder, we as Christ followers must learn to speak wisely and listen more attentively.

There’s an old quotation that says I can’t hear what you’re saying unless I know you care. Wise words. Let’s all heed them beginning today.

Questions for Personal Reflection:

Think about the most recent conversation you had with someone and reflect on how that give and take of information made you feel.
Consider a conversation you had with someone that went badly. Dissect the conversation and ask yourself how you might have spoken differently?
Do you consider yourself a good listener? If not, how can you grow in this area? If so, how can you continue to improve?
Reread this verse from Proverbs and commit it to memory. Write it out on a card and place it in a prominent place so that you are reminded of its truth throughout the day.