Many of us can attest to dealing with someone with out-of-control emotions. Maybe it is the boss or manager who appears to become easily angered. They yell at their employees, and it seems no amount of work output is ever good enough for them. Or perhaps you have had to encounter the testy two-year old who throws a tantrum when they do not get their way. Or it could be the growing pains of the teenager who appears upset every time anyone talks to them. Or worst yet, it could be the person we see in the mirror. Whether it is the frustration from sitting in traffic to being on the receiving end of an angry boss, our emotions can get the best of us.
Emotions are part of our human design. They are part of what makes us, us. To deny or overlook them is to deny or overlook a part of ourselves. While it is unhealthy to deny or overlook this part of ourselves, we do have a responsibility to ourselves as it relates to our emotions. Our goal should be to acknowledge them, gain understanding of them, and learn to effectively manage them. There is helpful information to be gleaned from them if we are open to learning from them.
“But feelings can’t be ignored, no matter how unjust or ungrateful they seem.” ~ Anne Frank
What are Emotions?
According to the American Psychological Association, “Emotions are conscious mental reactions (such as anger or fear) subjectively experienced as strong feelings usually directed toward a specific object and typically accompanied by physiological and behavioral changes in the body”.
Types of Emotions
The number of emotions humans experience is a well-debated topic. There is varying scholarship as to the exact number. The original list of emotions was published in 1972 by psychologist, Paul Eckman. They are happiness, sadness, disgust, fear, surprise, and anger. In 1999, he later expanded the list to include: pride, shame, embarrassment, excitement, contempt, and amusement. To further the understanding of emotions, psychologist Robert Plutchik developed the “wheel of emotions”. Plutchik believes emotions can be combined to form different feelings.
There are three key elements of emotions:
- Subjective experience: everyone experiences emotions differently.
- Physiological response: the physical response to the emotion. (Example: the feeling of butterflies in the stomach in reaction to nervousness.)
- Behavioral response: the actual expression of the emotion. (Example: throwing an object when one experiences anger.)
Difference Between Emotions and Feelings
When we discuss emotions and feelings, we often treat them as if they are one in the same. However, they are two different categories. According to Psychology Today, “Emotions originate as sensations in the body. Feelings are influenced by our emotions but are generated from our mental thoughts”. It goes on to say, “Emotions are the raw data, a reaction to the present reality, whereas feelings can be diluted by stories we’ve created in our head based on events of the past or fears of the future – not necessarily the truth of the situation”. We must be careful not to believe what we perceive as the truth based on our feelings. Instead, we need to investigate the actual emotion to get to the source of it. As we do, we can see our feelings for what they are and not give too much power to them considering the truth from our emotions.
“I don’t want to be at the mercy of my emotions. I want to use them, to enjoy them, and to dominate them.” ~ Oscar Wilde
How Does Our Emotions Affect Our Health?
Unidentified or unresolved emotions can lead to a variety of health issues depending on the emotion and intensity experienced. According to The Family Doctor, poor emotional health can lead to a weakened immune system. Other emotions and their physical ailments may be:
- Due to high stress, one may experience headaches, insomnia, and high blood pressure.
- Due to unresolved anger, one may experience high stress levels leading to high blood pressure and chest pains, even heart attacks and strokes.
- Due to anxiety, one may experience stomach and digestive problems and tight muscles.
According to BetterUp, “People with unacknowledged emotions and traumas can develop substance abuse disorders, anxiety, and depression, among other mental health challenges. They may also express their emotions in unhealthy ways, hurting the people around them”.
If we do not check in with ourselves and work to identify and understand our emotions, we are setting ourselves up for health problems in the long run. Additionally, we can cause problems at home with our families and on our jobs with our employees and colleagues.
A Case of Raw Emotions
The biblical text is full of stories regarding people’s experiences featuring their emotions. Emotions and feelings are not anything new. One biblical story which shows the gamut of human emotions can be found within the book of John. In the book we find the story of Jesus arriving following the death of Lazarus. We know Jesus loved Lazarus, Mary, and Martha dearly.
As he got closer to their home, Martha upon hearing he is coming, travels to meet him. When she arrives, she is upset at the timing of Jesus’ arrival. She basically blames him stating if he had been there her brother would not have died. When she calls for Mary to come to see Jesus, Mary has the same response. However, her response was a little different. Whereas Martha confronted Jesus directly, Mary fell at his feet and said if he had been here, her brother would not have died. Additionally, Mary wept. Seeing this and the Jews weeping, upset Jesus and he began to weep.
When Martha heard that Jesus was coming, she went and met him, while Mary stayed at home. Martha said to Jesus, “Lord, if you had been here, my brother would not have died.” (John 11: 20-21 NRSV)
The event of the death of Lazarus caused a range of emotions to arise within everyone. The grief, anger, and frustration at the death of Lazarus caused Martha to lash out. She confronted Jesus directly. Yet, the devastation of Lazarus’ death caused Mary to grieve, to weep and in her brokenness fall at Jesus’ feet. Her disappointment and hurt were palpable. Even Jesus, knowing how all things will work out, still felt the emotions that came because of his death. Seeing the disappointment and heartbreak in Mary triggered Jesus to weep also. Lazarus’ death and Jesus’ late arrival triggered some powerful emotions within everyone involved. The emotions drove them to react out of their feelings focused on what happened rather than what was possible through Jesus.
When Jesus saw her weeping and the Jews who came with her also weeping, he was greatly disturbed in spirit and deeply moved. He said, “Where have you laid him?” They said to him, “Lord, come and see.” Jesus began to weep. (John 11:33-35 NRSV)
How to Take Control of Our Emotions
Emotional wellness is an important part of our total wellness. Emotions in and of themselves are not bad. However, without proper emotional wellness, it can lead to mental and physical health challenges. Unchecked it can lead to issues within our personal and professional lives. Yet, we do not have to allow our emotions to get the best of us. How can we take control of our emotions?
- Identify and acknowledge the emotion being experienced. There is a saying that states we cannot conquer what we will not confront. The first step towards confronting our emotions is to acknowledge it.
- Get to the root. Identify what is causing this emotion. What is the event or what is the action that triggered the emotion? Why did it trigger you in the way it did? Is it based on a past experience or a fear of a potential future outcome?
- Identify the story we are telling ourselves about the situation. Are we dealing with facts or a created story?
- Breathe. Pray. Before reacting to the event or the trigger, take a pause. Take a breath and pray. Pray for clarity about the situation or event and your response.
- Tell a new story. Rather than depend on the story we have told ourselves, it is time to tell a new story. Begin to speak a scripture or affirmation to confront the trigger of the emotion.
When to Seek Help
Some emotions and feelings may be hard to work through on our own. When we find ourselves in this place, we may need to contact a trained professional – medical doctor, psychologist, or therapist – to help us identify and work through our emotions. Signs to look for:
- Isolating yourself
- Sleeping too much or too little
- Feelings of irritability, guilt, hopelessness, or worthlessness
- Increased substance abuse
- Increased interpersonal conflicts
May we remember, emotions are a part of every person’s life. We may not know what the trigger for different people may be. May we choose to be more intentional with kindness and understanding towards others. May we also learn to be kind to ourselves and learn how to properly deal with our emotions.
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